Worthy

Wow… So I just read something pretty deep. Perfect doesn’t equal worthy… So if I am understanding correctly. I don’t have to be perfect to be worthy. I mean what a fantastic concept. How many of you have spent a large amount of time trying to perfect? I can speak from a female perspective that the notion we must be perfect 24-7 is exhausting, it’s daunting.

Does your clothes basket runneth over? Did you wash your hair 3 days ago? Did you get take out two weeks in a row? If you answered yes– I am here to tell you, GIRLFRIEND that is fine, life is HARD, and even harder with the pandemic we are in. We all cope in different ways, and get thru situations differently. Not being “perfect” doesn’t make you unworthy.

We are worthy, worthy of God’s love, and worthy of respect. While 2020 has been a challenging year I can honestly say I’ve learned so much. I’ve grown in my faith, and as we age I believe that is truly ever evolving. I’m starting to learn that most peoples opinions of me don’t matter, and I don’t mean this sarcastically. One of my toxic traits? I am a people pleaser, I will literally go out of my way for others who wouldn’t cross the street for me, and I am learning that’s not what life is about. I am worthy of getting out of relationships what I put in. If you are struggling and your people are just sitting there watching you struggle– those aren’t your people.

So my point in all of this– you don’t need to be perfect to be worthy. The house cleaning can wait, your hair doesn’t have to be perfect, and you don’t have to be on point 24-7. Just be you!!!! That’s what God wants, he wants you to be unabashedly you!

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2

Grace

Happy Tuesday!

Do you want to look up a word with a lot of meanings? Look up the word GRACE!

What does GRACE mean to you?

To me GRACE means abundant favor from God, and if we are loving the right way shouln’t we be showing that abundant favor and love to our fellow humans. Shouldn’t we be loving like God and showing others the love that he shows us?

I recently picked up a guided journal written by Emily Ley– it’s called a “A Standard of Grace”. I don’t know what it’s all about yet but what I am going to do is follow the journal, and I’m going to attempt to blog my journal entries versus just keeping them to myself. Here’s some reasons why I am doing this…

1. (and if I were being totally transparent– the most important reason–my MAMA ya’ll.) This woman loves to read what I write, this woman loves me like Jesus does…This woman well she’s everything to me and she supports my hopes, and dreams and especially my writing aspirations).
2. I like to help people, and maybe if I share my thoughts and personal life experiences it will resonate with someone.
3. I have DREAMS… I am at heart a creator, it might have taken me until I was in my 30’s to realize this– but I live to create. Whether I am writing, or creating clothing, jewelry and precious keepsakes I am meant to create. I am convinced this was my God given talent! I also really like to love on people, and just maybe thru my writing you’ll feel some of that love!
4. Writing is therapeutic and cathartic for me– in my writing I can rest.

So..with that being said stay tuned, there’s so much more to come!

Christmas Music in October

Well hello there…It’s been awhile since I’ve written… I’ve had much to say but sometimes the words just don’t flow. Tonight it seems they want to flow. I really want to get better at writing about my life, and Jesus and all that’s good in the world amongst the dark shadows. The truth is my life is messy (whose isn’t?), and I’m continuing to grow to be who God wants me to me. I am still working full time in banking and I’ve started a business which is almost taking off to be full time too. My business is really the heart and soul of who I am as a person– I love to make people smile, and I get to do that by creating things special for them. (You can check our business out at http://www.jaxxcustomcreations.com if you want– the website isn’t fully done yet, but it will give you an idea of what I’ve been up to). Anyway, this post wasn’t to talk about Jaxx (I just wanted to share where I’ve been up). I’ve been in a funk for a while, but tonight, I decided to turn on some Christmas music– it brings me such comfort (it fills my heart with memories of my childhood, and my husband always makes sure Christmas is special in our home by fully decorating the house for me). I think it’s time to start baking Chocolate Chip cookies (mom let’s do this just for fun soon–it doesn’t have to be Christmas to have Christmas in your heart.)

I imagine many people right now are finding different ways to cope with our new reality of what life looks like at this point in time. Here we are walking around with masks, and there’s barely any semblance of what our normal used to be– we don’t hug and kiss our family, there’s no shaking hands, you can’t see smiles, everyone is behind plexiglass. People are working from home, and kids are schooling from home. It’s truly heart wrenching, I want normal back and I’m sure you do to. There are somethings I am thankful for– I am now home every night, as my board meetings have all been moved to Zoom meetings. I’ve taken the time to fall in love with being home. With that being said, I am eagerly awaiting next years Mother/Daughter Annual Vacation.

What’s your Christmas Music? What gets you out of your funk?

Life is Short…

So nothing new has really happened in my life in the last couple days— and I promised to write more…So I Googled some Blog Prompts (gasp)… I know… It didn’t come from my brain, but I can guarantee my writing will come from the heart!

The Million Dollar Question:

How would you spend your last days if you were told you were going to die on Friday and today was Monday?

We’ll assume I find this out at work:

• I’d send out an email thanking my previous teams and current teams for a good run.
• I’d email upper management and also thank them for taking a chance on me.
• I would reach out to the clients I’ve worked with over the years who made an impact in my life and vice versa.

And then… I’d leave, no one ever laid on their death bed saying they wished they worked more.

• I’d find my family and few close friends, every single last living one and kiss them and tell them how much they mean to me.
• I’d hold my puppies a little longer.
• I’d love on my husband a little more.
• I’d set one Facebook post, letting all my friends know and I send my love and thank them for any parts they had in my life.
• I’d put my phone away and focus on those in front of me.
• I’d stay up until Friday and live every moment as it raced past me.
• I’d talk to God, and pray.
• I’d make sure my husband knew how to cash in my insurance policies.
• I’d laugh, not just those little laughs but really good big laughs.

The bottom line— I’d focus on those that matter, and live in the moment. Friday comes fast, if it’s your last day!

Update/ Brain Dump/ The best me

Hello All,

Thank you for stopping by and reading my blog. I know I don’t write consistently and I always say I want to change that and the truth is I really do want to change that, but life happens. This crazy beautiful life gets away, and some days are more beautiful than others. Do you ever have days where you feel you really have to pull yourself thorough? I know I sure do.

I wanted to tell you all that I will be making an effort to come back here and write more often and consistently. I don’t know if I’ve ever shared with you all, but my dream is to become a published author—well in an effort to make that dream come true I’ve started writing my first novel. I am super excited to embark on this journey, this has been a dream for years, and I decided it’s time to make it a reality.

Which leads me to my next thought—my journey, your journey, our journey… I am all for being positive, those of you that know me personally know I am a lover of all around me. I do everything in my power to stay positive, however, I don’t think when we are sad, hurt, or upset we should be made to push those feelings aside. If we were meant to always be happy God would have not given us the ability to feel sorrow— I am not saying you stay in that sorrow, and wallow in it, but it’s okay to have an off day, week, or even month. No one has the authority to tell you how you should feel. I’m not saying you live each day walking around in the mullie grubs but what I am saying is if you are sad—cry, scream— don’t hold it in because in the end you only end up dying inside.

I want to apologize to my husband, family, and friends for me not always giving the best version of myself. I give 110% of myself to others, and I am starting to realize sometimes it’s the wrong people. Sometimes I am spent from a whole day of what feels like I am carrying the entire world on my shoulders— that I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to socialize, I just want to be alone with my thoughts (or mainly just a pillow and blankie) and I love my people fiercely… I am just mentally exhausted. So please forgive me if I am short, sensitive, and overall unloveable. I am trying, I am trying to be a better me—I am just stuck between trying to be positive, learning its okay to cry, and trying to give everyone my best.

Xoxo,

Gracefully Rambling ❤️

Wow…It’s been way too long.

It's been way to long since I sat here and wrote. My life has changed a lot in the last month or so. I was recently promoted within my organization to a position I've been working YEARS for. I traded a 1/2 hour commute for nearly an hour. I'm no longer the "one of the best" in my role– and this has been a little hard for me, I am used to excelling and right now I am filled with a little self doubt but I KNOW MY GOD WILL DELIVER. The beauty about Jesus is he will always have my back. I will learn my position and I will excel, I have no choice but to do good…failure is not an option.

I had a nice holiday with my family, my family is my WORLD…I am getting ready for the New Year, but I don't really have normal resolutions this year…I obviously want to be healthy, get healthy, etc… but I am committing to:

• Reading my devotional EVERYDAY
• Putting GOD 1st
• Not worrying
• Staying in constant prayer, pray about everything
• Unplug more (with my new role I am always plugged in, and in the day and age of Facebook–I am going to have to learn to say hold the phone!!!)
• Be more present with friends and family
• Spend more time with loved ones
• Read at least 2 books a month (I am aiming for a book a week)
• Learn about wine and enjoy it
• Cook more (Like really cook)
• Bake for others more
• Find ways to bless others
• Write a lot more

I'd also like to be more organized, better dressed, and tap into my creativity a little more.

Looking forward to writing again very soon!

💋

Our Baby

So in my last post I mentioned some ups and downs… I feel my Baby Boy deserves and entire post dedicated to him. On October 3rd, we lost our first born… He was 13 years old. He wasn't a human baby, but he was our baby. When we got him, he was too young to be taken from his biological mama, but the person was eager to get rid of him…he was the runt of the litter. I was 18–I knew nothing about puppies, or babies…But I took him, and my husband and I bottle fed him, and helped him grow into a handsome, strong and healthy little boy. He stole my heart, he was a great listener, a great cuddle buddy, and he was one of my best friends. Recently he had been declining in health and I knew our days together were numbered. My husband had warned me that he hadn't been acting himself, and he thought the time was near. On the day he passed, I came home from work and cuddled up with him, he hadn't moved all day, I knew in my heart this was our last day together–he'd cry to get up and he couldn't make it outside to relieve himself. Between the sheet changes (he had his own bed–picture a crib mattress with cute sheets), and the tears I was able to be with my baby in his last hours, he died in my arms. I lost part of my heart on October 3rd– with his passing, I miss him terribly, I try not to dwell on the fact that his isn't here. He is heaven running around, I just know it. He was such a loving boy. What I wouldn't give to clean up one of messes, or be nudged in the middle of the night to let him out. Unbeknownst to me (according to my husband) he used to come check on me in the middle of the night (not just when he had to go to the potty). They say with time it gets easier, I think that's partially true–the cuts not as deep, but in a way I think it gets more difficult, because the longing to see him gets greater.

To my baby:
I wasn't ready to see you run to heavens gate.
But God, he just couldn't wait.
I know he had a job in heaven for you to do.
And you, you were just waiting for your cue.
I cherish every moment we shared, there were lots of good times and for that I am glad.
The passing of you has left me so sad.
I will love you forever, and in my heart you will stay.
I will see you again one day!
Until we meet again my sweet baby boy ❤️
– JKHB

Old Soul

There's been so much going on in my life…It's been and up and down roller coaster… God has been doing amazing things in my life– or I should saying putting me in amazing places, I just have to be still and let him place me where he wants me! Sometimes you just have to take your hands off the wheel and ask Jesus to take over. Believe it or not, I thought I could guide myself through this crazy thing called life– about a month ago it dawned on me that the motions I've been going thru weren't getting me where I wanted to be. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over with no results– and I'm very results driven so I need to see results to feel a sense of contentment. I remember laying in bed practically in tears asking God to fix the way I've felt, ever since then things have been changing and for the better… Unfortunately at this point I can only share a small portion of the excitement with you–but I promise when my blessings come I will let you know!!! I am claiming God's blessings, this is going to my year– I feel it, I think I was just looking in the wrong direction all along. My husband and I started a business in July and we had our first big sale last month which was absolutely amazing– someone reached out to us, we didn't pursue them!!!! In case you are wondering what kind of business we started, its a promotional marketing company, we specialize in helping companies get the attention they deserve with the use of promotional marketing items! You can check out our website at : http://www.jrayspromotions.com, our website does not show even 1/4 of what we have to offer, we have over 8000 items available and we deal with over 260 companies to find the best price and highest quality for our clients! I am not trying to sell anything to any of my readers or followers– just want to share a little about one of my new passions.

Any way the title is "Old Soul"…. I had to catch you all up on what this old soul has been up to. But more on why I feel like an old soul, for years I've known I was an old soul, but some days its more prevalent than others. Today is one of those days, as I sat here tonight and drank a whole pot of coffee listening to old classic rock songs, I realized I am really not the typical 31 year old. I am cautious sometimes to a fault, I watch what I do as to not injure myself, I like to make home cooked meals, I don't like the bar, I like to go to church, I like to have my towels neatly folded, I don't like to live out of a basket, I like our lawn nicely manicured, I almost always opt for French tips when I get my nails done, I get my hair highlighted to cover up the gray, I don't really blast my music anymore, and most recently I've taken a liking to BINGO.

I have a lot of my mind, so I plan one writing again very soon– it might even directly follow this post… (which actually in an effort to be transparent I started a few weeks ago, so I had to tweak it just a bit).

XOXO,

Gracefully Rambling

Making the most out of life, yet not living life to the fullest

Today my family laid a woman to rest who never got to live life to the fullest.  She made the most out of the life she had, but I was terribly saddened to think of the things she had never experienced in her 75 years of life.

She lived with my great grandparents until they passed away, while this wasn’t her choice she made the most of it.  She never had the chance to pick a place to call her home, she never had the chance to be married, or know the excitement that comes with someone slipping a diamond on your left ring finger.   I am saddened now that I didn’t get to know her better, I am even more saddened by the absence of living.  There were no late night pillow talks with a spouse, no marital arguing (while this isn’t a fun event, it makes you appreciate the good times), no bickering about what’s for dinner, or whose turn it is to let the dog out.  There was no picking out furniture, or even coming and going as she pleased.  I remember her pinching my cheeks, and her bright red lipstick–she was full of love.  Today she went to her resting place in style, in the back of a ’57 Chevy (I had seen it sitting out front of the funeral home, and was hoping that was the way she’d be getting to her final resting place.  For someone who never got a whole lot of living, I thought she deserved something cool like that)

Until we meet again Aunt Maria ❤️ 

I came across this quote today… after leaving the services, and returning home to rest after an emotional day, it hit me…about comfort zones and just making the most of your situation…  There is nothing wrong with making the most of whatever situation you are in, and I am encourage every one to do that–but we should never settle.  If we just settle, we may never accomplish all God has in store for us.  A person simply cannot just do what feels good and comfortable if they want to grow!  You need to take a leap of fate, and sometimes miss out on a few hours of sleep.  Just remember, what stands in front of you, is nothing compared to what is within you!

May God guide you through this awesome journey called life!

Xoxo,

Jackie

What’s my Purpose?

Have you ever found yourself wondering what your purpose was?  I used to constantly wonder why I existed, what was I put here to do?  Gradually over time I noticed that I always tried to help people, and then one day it became crystal clear–that was my purpose.  I’ve tried to go thru life, and just stay in my own lane…but I can’t.  

My most recent journey has been my journey to better health– I wrote briefly in a previous post about my wake up call.  I truly believe my wake up call saved my life!!!  I am now using my journey to try to inspire, and support others.  I know what it’s like to have never been skinny (ya know when someone who has always been relatively small, talks about their weight loss journey…and you are just over here like ahhh you only had 20 pounds to lose, try having 143 to lose and then let’s talk–that’s a real struggle), I know what it’s like to have my body fight my weight loss efforts– I have PCOS, I know what it’s like to be surrounded by people whom you adore and who adore you, but yet you feel alone, I know what it’s like to find comfort in food, I know what it’s like to buy big clothes, to wonder if you will fit on an amusement ride, to accept the sack of potatoes you’ve become, to be judged by your appearance, to be teased, ridiculed, to be told you’d be so pretty if you lost some weight, I know what it’s like to be your own biggest enemy, to be the queen of excuses, to have never worn a bikini in public, to not be able to get a shower and have the towel wrap all the way around you… the list is endless, and I am familiar with the way each of these things leaves your heart feeling.  I am a much different person than I was 2 months ago…  I’ve discovered an inner strength I didn’t know I had, a passion, a will power, the drive to hit my goals.  Our bodies are capable of so much more then we give them credit for.  

So you are probably wondering what this has to do with your purpose?  God gives us more then we can handle, encouraging us to include him in our lives and plans, and through him we are given the strength to handle what we initially thought was the impossible.  Often I pray that God uses me to spread his word, and to make a difference, and I have to think that this situation was God’s way of answering my prayers.  I am not perfect on my journey, and I don’t claim to be.  I do have a lot of passion, and a big heart.  I am focused on helping myself, and helping others become the best version of themselves– none of this would be possible without Christ who strengthens me.  

Now get out there and help someone!

If you are on a weight loss journey, please check out my fitness blog periodically for updates: choosetolivedontweight.wordpress.com, I also have a Facebook page called, Choose to live don’t weight, and if you need fitness help, I can be emailed at: choosetolivedontweight@gmail.com

God Bless,

Jackie