What’s my Purpose?

Have you ever found yourself wondering what your purpose was?  I used to constantly wonder why I existed, what was I put here to do?  Gradually over time I noticed that I always tried to help people, and then one day it became crystal clear–that was my purpose.  I’ve tried to go thru life, and just stay in my own lane…but I can’t.  

My most recent journey has been my journey to better health– I wrote briefly in a previous post about my wake up call.  I truly believe my wake up call saved my life!!!  I am now using my journey to try to inspire, and support others.  I know what it’s like to have never been skinny (ya know when someone who has always been relatively small, talks about their weight loss journey…and you are just over here like ahhh you only had 20 pounds to lose, try having 143 to lose and then let’s talk–that’s a real struggle), I know what it’s like to have my body fight my weight loss efforts– I have PCOS, I know what it’s like to be surrounded by people whom you adore and who adore you, but yet you feel alone, I know what it’s like to find comfort in food, I know what it’s like to buy big clothes, to wonder if you will fit on an amusement ride, to accept the sack of potatoes you’ve become, to be judged by your appearance, to be teased, ridiculed, to be told you’d be so pretty if you lost some weight, I know what it’s like to be your own biggest enemy, to be the queen of excuses, to have never worn a bikini in public, to not be able to get a shower and have the towel wrap all the way around you… the list is endless, and I am familiar with the way each of these things leaves your heart feeling.  I am a much different person than I was 2 months ago…  I’ve discovered an inner strength I didn’t know I had, a passion, a will power, the drive to hit my goals.  Our bodies are capable of so much more then we give them credit for.  

So you are probably wondering what this has to do with your purpose?  God gives us more then we can handle, encouraging us to include him in our lives and plans, and through him we are given the strength to handle what we initially thought was the impossible.  Often I pray that God uses me to spread his word, and to make a difference, and I have to think that this situation was God’s way of answering my prayers.  I am not perfect on my journey, and I don’t claim to be.  I do have a lot of passion, and a big heart.  I am focused on helping myself, and helping others become the best version of themselves– none of this would be possible without Christ who strengthens me.  

Now get out there and help someone!

If you are on a weight loss journey, please check out my fitness blog periodically for updates: choosetolivedontweight.wordpress.com, I also have a Facebook page called, Choose to live don’t weight, and if you need fitness help, I can be emailed at: choosetolivedontweight@gmail.com

God Bless,

Jackie

Getting my voice back…

Hello to my handful of readers (you really are amazing to me, this is a passion of mine–and the fact that you are choosing to read my thoughts means a lot to me),

So I haven’t written in awhile…but then again you can see that.  My lack of putting my thoughts down wasn’t lack of thoughts, lack of time, or unwillingness.  I could process thoughts I just didn’t know how to convey them in a way others would understand.  My immediate family understands because they were there, but unless you lived it with us you probably won’t fully grasp just how gracious and merciful we believe God is.

I almost lost my father 3 times in the last 2 months,  before I get into my post  I will tell you he is doing much better and is on the road to recovery.  I had never seen my big strong dad so frail and weak.  Watching the man who goes out of his way to help others, the day saver, the man who shows up in a pinch, who is generous with his time (even if you hear him complain under his breath a little) fight for his life was the hardest thing I’ve ever done.  To hear my dad tell the doctor the first time we thought he was recovering that he was happy he’d be here to protect his family, was kind and heart shattering all at the same time.  Little did we know he wasn’t on the road to recovery and we’d be back in the hospital in just another week or so with the same situation (for all that are wondering… bleeding ulcers are serious–if you think you have one seek immediate medical attention).  The visits all blend together, except for the last visit.  My mom called me just as she had the previous times, they’d called the ambulance and my dad was being rushed in, but this time in addition to the ambulance the paramedics came–this time was different.  When they finally let us in, I saw a scene I can’t get out my head– my dad in and out of consciousness, and the rest is much to graphic and much to difficult for me to type…  and you know what I did when I saw this– I ran away because I couldn’t accept the fact that there was nothing I could do to save the man, who had saved me more times than he had known.  It was the worst thing I have ever experienced to watch the man I have loved my entire life dying before my eyes.  I called my husband who doesn’t handle hospitals well or at all unless it’s me in there, and I cried, I sobbed, I thought I was losing my Dad…Well I don’t think, I know I was losing him.  My husband told me it would be okay, that this wasn’t the end–if I had ever wanted my husband to be right this was the time.  I will say there are angels that walk amongst us, and for my family there were the nurses in the ER that day, that saved my father, that gave him blood because was nearly depleted that thought quickly, while also treating us like humans and consoling us.  

I stayed in constant prayer, and I was often reminded to have faith in God– my mom reminded me frequently that God had the situation under control, and she was right.  While the situation was horrible, I will say it is in the darkness we find the light.  My family has always gotten along really well, I mean especially after I got past my teen years (sorry Mom and Dad–I was no walk in the park) but this whole situation brought us closer, I am not even sure how because I thought we were already as close as we could be but I was wrong.  It taught me a lot about life, life is too short and in a moment it can be gone.  The hospital is really good at saving people, but there are people that go there and don’t come out–after all that is why they have a morgue.  There are happy moments like births at the hospital, but there are also final breaths–and why thank God we didn’t have to experience that, I know others have and my heart hurts for them.  I know that what is in store for us after life on earth is so much grander than what we are living day in and day out, but its those that are left that suffer with the emptiness in their heart, the hole in their family that can’t be filled, the empty seat at Christmas, picking up the phone to call the person who is no longer there, or rolling over to kiss a spouse goodnight who is never coming home. 

So what I’ll close with is, life’s too short.  I’m a workaholic in highly competitive field, I never miss a day of work even when I am sick–I work tirelessly to hit my goals and to coach my associates to be the best they can be, but sometimes you have to put that aside and pick your family over your career (work will understand), while you love your friends it’s okay to pick your family over your friends (they’ll understand if they are real friends), don’t hang up or leave one another angry because in the blink of an eye life can change.  Make time for what matters, it isn’t the materialistic things–it’s the people in your life.  Broken relationship?  Repair it, if it’s repairable, and if it doesn’t threaten your sanity.  

So as you can see I’ve gotten my voice back, I can focus and concentrate on life and it’s beautiful crazy turns.

God Bless everyone.  Thank you Lord for your mercy and grace.

Sunday Morning Cinnamon Buns on Wednesday night…

Well I started writing this Sunday… and here we are at 11:30 PM on a Wednesday evening…

Originally written Sunday…

I’m sitting here at my kitchen table waiting for my Cinnamon Buns to rise so I can put them in the oven…I thought I’d picked a recipe in which I wouldn’t have to wait for them to rise…Oh boy was I wrong, an hour to rise, and then construct them, and then let them rise another half hour…I picked the recipe that uses a box of cake mix as part of the ingredients because it seemed like the easiest choice on this sleepy Sunday Morning… I definitely would have picked another recipe if I had of read this one in it’s entirety before I committed to making it…  I guess we’ll see how it comes out, these were intended to be breakfast today–at this rate it’ll be lunch.

I suppose life is much like my Cinnamon Buns,  you really don’t know how it’s going to turn out you just hope and pray for the best.  Two people can follow life’s recipe but if Person (1) adds a little extra sugar, and Person (2) doesn’t put enough sugar in they have a whole different tasting cinnamon bun!!!

Fast forward to Wednesday… The buns came out okay, but not cooked enough in the middle, but in their defense, my patience was running thin…I just wanted to take them out of the oven.  Does your patience run thin in life?  I know mine often does…But I am learning everything is God’s timing.  You need to cherish every second, and be thankful for what you are blessed with and what you aren’t blessed with.  Not everything is for everyone, I no longer pray for what I want, I pray for what God wants me to have, God knows what is best for me.  I pray for God to use me, in what ever mission he has in mind. My heart and mind is open, and I am learning to listen when he’s trying to speak to me.  So next time you are rushing perfection (God’s timing), sit back and just enjoy the ride…The big man upstairs has it all figured out.

Xoxo,

Gracefullyrambling