2017-Happy New Year

Well hello my dear readers,

From what I heard and what I experienced 2016 was rough.  Every year has good spots, but sometimes the good spots are out weighed by the bad spots.  I know the community in which I live suffered many bad spots, between heroin over doses, senseless shootings, and most recently a senseless act of domestic abuse which left several children without a mother.  I also feel we became a nation more divided than ever before, my ask is that in 2017 you love on people even if they are different–life is too short to be anything but kind.

I’m thankful 2016 is our rear view mirrors and I am happy to usher in a new year filled with so much hope and promise.  I feel like a child getting ready to embark on her first day of school.  I am eager to see what this year has in store for my family, my friends and myself, but I am also eager to help make this year the best one yet.  It’s no secret I like to write, it’s no secret I don’t take the time to write–my hopes are that this year I can finally concentrate on that.  If my words make a difference to even one person it will be worth it .  I finally upgraded my technology a bit (Thanks to the generosity of my family) so writing is a little more convenient than in the past.

I believe I’ve mentioned it in the past, but I am not sure how deep I went into it–but in the end of 2015 I started to go back to church with my mom.  We’ve dived in pretty deeply into our faith walk and it just keeps getting better all the time.  I am so excited– my mom and I each have a copy of “Daily Wisdom for Women 2017 Devotional Collection” .  I think with each of us reading the good word everyday it will create a lot of conversation and really aid us to go further in our faith walk.  I also want to incorporate it into my blog.

I have a lot of things I want to do in this New Year, I still haven’t decided on a resolution–  I just want to be kinder, more companionate, and really just a better person.  I won’t resolute to that though, because my goal is always to be better than the person I was yesterday.  It costs nothing to be a decent human being, it costs nothing to lend an ear.  I obviously want to get healthier, not only for myself but my family.  I am still trying to climb the ladder at work so I do have professional goals set.  I do want to cook more, and bake more…  If you are local watch out, more baking means I might need to share the sweets I make with someone.  Yesterday I made a Hot Milk Sponge Cake, the recipe is one from the Great Depression– it’s an easy recipe most people have everything on hand and let me tell you it was pretty good (my dear husband enjoyed it).

Yesterday in the early evening we lit our Bayberry candle, it is believed that you should light a Bayberry candle either on Christmas Eve or New Years Eve, and allow it to completely burn out on it’s own (It’s 8:27 am here and ours is still burning).  “Bayberry candles burned to the socket, bring health to the home and wealth to the pocket”.  It’s a tradition I started with my family in 2015, and this year I shared it with my grandparents, and Aunt and Uncle.  It’s just a fun little tradition, and it leaves your home smelling so nice.

I hope you all are creating your own traditions, and spending time with your loved ones.  Life is precious, and it can be gone in a second.  Hug those you love a few extra seconds, and share a few extra laughs.  Forgive.  If you have someone in your life who struggles with forgiveness–pray for them, because once we learn the art of forgiveness our life becomes so much richer.

I really want to end this post on a positive note, but before I do there is something I am compelled to write about briefly and you may see posts about from time to time–if you are a victim of domestic abuse, it is not your fault.  You are a beautiful creature that God created, God doesn’t not want you to suffer.  Break free.  Walk away. Get help. Confide in a friend.  Don’t stay.  Don’t think it will get better.  Don’t think your partner will change.  Don’t think someone has it worse. Don’t think this is normal.  Don’t let your children think it’s normal.  It’s not normal.  Domestic Abuse IS NOT NORMAL.  If you have someone confide in you that is being abused, help be their voice, listen, be their rock, help get them out of their situation.   To the person being abused you are worthwhile, you are important, you are worthy of love, you are more than a statistic, your family and friends don’t want to have had a friend/family member they want to have a friend/family member.

May you all find peace and kindness in your heart this year.  May you all be there for someone and may someone be there for you.  God Bless you all.

Xoxo,

Jackie

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I always write better when…

I always write better when my heart feels full of love and joy or when my heart feels like it’s been shattered into a million pieces.  My writing is from the heart, I think some of my best work was during my high school years as I struggled to love myself and fought for the love and acceptance of others.  Obviously fast forward several years later and I’m okay with who I am and not really concerned with others opinions…

Luckily my heart doesn’t get shattered as much these days and I get really wrapped up in what brings me joy so I don’t write as much as I’d like–with. That being said my heart is heavy tonight, but I’ll write about that in the next post.

Xoxo,

Jackie 

Joining the 21st century…

So I just have the need to tell you all that I’ve joined the 21st century and you should start seeing more posts from me… I’ve downloaded the app on my phone so when something strikes me, and I feel the need to write my thoughts all I will need to do is pick up my phone! 

Xoxo,

Jackie

Bright, Shiny, and…30

So yesterday…it happened…somewhere in middle of long hours at the office, time spent with my family, cuddles with my husband and our furry kids…. I turned 30.  I remember when I thought 30 was “old”, it’s not old in my book…Heck 95 isn’t even old, it’s crazy how your perception of “old” changes as you age.

I don’t know what I expected 30 to look like, I mean in all honesty I don’t feel any differently then I did two days age when I was 29.  I don’t know if you are familiar with Tim McGraw’s “My Next Thirty Years” if not you can check it out here:

I need to figure out my next 30 years… the things I know the will be included in my next 30 years:

Life is too short to live it stressed, you can only do what you can do.  I do know I am going to start concentrating on my health–weight management is part of that, as well as stress reduction, and taking time to truly relax (taking time to smell the flowers).  We live in such a fast paced instantaneous world, and I want to learn to slow down a bit.  While I believe working hard is important, I am also learning that spending time with your loved ones and taking time for yourself is just as important–no one on the their dying day ever said I’d wish I’d spent more time at the office.

Keep your sights on what’s important.

XOXO,

Jackie

 

Wondering but not worrying…

So I have some pretty heavy stuff going on in my life right now.  My family is well, our health is good…I just have some other stuff going on but that’s neither here nor there–it just brings my most recent exchange with God.  Worrying is a tool of the devil.  God doesn’t want us to worry.  So today I am giving all my worries to God.

Lately I’ve been down on myself…Thing that I should be further in life, career wise and I should have more money saved for a rainy day then I do.  You see in roughly two months I will be 30 years old–or 30 years young however you want to look at it.  I am not what I would consider accomplished– I didn’t finish school, I don’t earn six figures, my car is worn out, I am not a size 2, we don’t take lavish vacations to Caicos, our house is small…Yada, yada, yada…I told my mother today how I didn’t feel like my happy old self…I had no one to blame, especially because life lately has been just how I wanted it… I wanted nothing more in life than to marry my best friend–I had checked that off my list nearly two years ago…I had wanted nothing more than to have an amazing relationship with my parents–I’ve had that for as long as I could remember.  I thought the void in my life was God– and it turns out while although I wasn’t as close as I wanted to be with him (this relationship is constantly evolving and it’s amazing), I was pretty steady in my faith.  So where my sadness and this impending feeling of doom was coming from I had no idea.  After a good long talk with my mom while driving home this afternoon (not once did she ever tell me I was nuts, or ungrateful) she brought to light the fact that I have way more than I thought.

I’ll touch on all the things I thought made me less of a person than the next 30 year old:

I didn’t finish school–but I have skills, and they are pretty darn marketable if I do say so myself.  I can write and communicate professionally and effectively.  I am a people person, and after I’ve helped you with your situation you’ll walk out my office feeling like the most important person on the face of the earth or at the very least like your banker cares about you–because truth be told I do.

I don’t earn six figures–but I do make an honest living.  Many may say banker and honest don’t belong in the same sentence–I beg to differ.  My job is to help you make sound financial choices, I wouldn’t recommend something to you that I wouldn’t recommend to my own family.  I believe in what my company offers hence while I sit behind the desk I do. So while I don’t make six figures, I make a honest living in which I am able to put a roof over our heads, and food in our bellies.

My car is worn out–but I have one…I’ll leave this one alone, I am thankful to have 4 wheels–paid for with no payments, the day is coming when old Gertrude is going to have to be put to rest…I am just asking her to give me like 3 more years…I am not ready to get a new set of wheels yet.  Oh Ms. Gertrude lets make it through at least 1/3 of my 30’s together…

I am not a size 2–nor have I ever been, nor will I ever be.  This is me…I want to get healthy, I want to be smaller…But I don’t need to fit in with what society wants me to be, my husband thinks I’m pretty, my family still loves me…I just want to get healthy, that’s it!

The lavish vacations–while these would be nice, it’s just not me…I like to be home by the time the sun goes down.  I am in my pajamas before the street lights come on unless I am stuck at the office.  The only place I have a yearning to go every so often is to Destin, FL.  Is it lavish?  No…but when my heart wants to wander when I need a get-away, it’s where I’m destined to be, and it’s pretty darn exhilarating to me!

My house is small–but it’s warm and it’s cozy.  It’s ours.  My family helped pick it out, my mother handled most of the paperwork, my grandparents gave me the down payment, my dad painted the walls, my husband put his love into making it “Our Home”…It’s home…and without my family, it wouldn’t be anything.

So I guess what I am saying is I am not going to worry about the future, worry about the past, punish myself for what I consider are my “wrong doings” or “short comings”.  I am going to be thankful for each thing I have taken for granted and thought made me less of a “30 year old”.

I’ll wonder about my future, our future, but I won’t worry!

God Bless you all,

Jackie

My hiatus…

I took a pause, but I am back!!!!

So I haven’t written in a little over a year.  I feel like I owe some type of explanation as in why I haven’t sat down to pen my heart out to you.  I know of one faithful reader, my mom who often encourages me to write and reminds me to write–and still the words haven’t flowed from my fingers.  My mother enjoys my writing so if no one else ever reads what I’m thinking that’s okay, just as long mother can read my inner most thoughts.

My mother–the woman who doesn’t judge me no matter how much she has a right to (after all she did bring me into this world)…My mother is amazing and there is simply no better word to describe her, I tell the woman virtually everything and if there’s something I missed out I’m sure she’ll read it here.  I do feel that I write better than I can speak, maybe that’s because my mouth moves faster than my brain during conversation, but when writing my brain, my fingers, and my eyes can dance like a well-choreographed dance team.

So a lot has gone on in the last year, but then again I feel like nothing has changed.  My home life is good–every day I fall deeper in love with my husband, and I wonder how on earth did I end up with such amazing fur babies.  I started two home based businesses- Origami Owl and Younique Make-up.  I was drawn to Origami Owl, because it’s about putting your story in a locket–and we all have a story!  I fell in love with Younique by accident–I love the confidence it brings to women. I am still working in a Bank and loving what I do there. But this blog really isn’t about how I’m doing financially–because you know what…Yes you are going to hear a banker predominantly in a sales position say this…There is more to life than money, yes it’s needed to survive…but there is so much more…there is family, friends, and JESUS….

There is JESUS!!!  The biggest change in my life in the last year is that I have gone back to church.  I’ve done this several times, but this time is different–I am on my path to Jesus with my Mom!!!  I am not trying to bargain with Jesus as I have done so many times before…You know the way it goes, I’ll do this Jesus if you give me this…But the truth is everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is in his timing.  I am no longer praying for God to give me anything specific just to watch over my loved ones and I.  I am asking him to put me where HE WANTS me, and I am asking HIM to USE ME as HE SEES fit.  I’ve noticed some positive changes in me, but as Matchbox Twenty would say…”I’m still trailer trash in new shoes”…And just to clarify I am not judging you or calling you trash if you live in a trailer–it’s just lyrics from my all-time favorite band.  I have a lot more work that needs to be done with myself: I still curse too much, and sometimes judge others, and sometimes I say mean things… The beautiful thing about Jesus is that he has already forgiven me for my wrong doings I just pray that he makes me more wholesome every day!

Yours Truly,

Gracefully Rambling

When you make a choice of ceasing to exist

So I promised to write about my Dad’s side next…but sometimes life brings you an unexpected storm and you need to adjust your sails…so without getting into personal detail… Let me just say this, if my blog conveys one thing to you– let it be that LIFE is worth living wether you are at rock bottom or not…if life is the worst it’s ever been, good news it will get better. If you are sad talk to someone, get help, seek counseling–but what ever you do, don’t seek the alternative of ceasing to exist. When you cease to exist due to your own will, you leave those who love you and cared about you drowning in sorrow. It’s not like passing from a disease that couldn’t be cured, or a heart that stopped beating–it’s knowing that someone you loved hurt so much inside and you didn’t even know. It’s knowing that you weren’t there with a reassuring hug, or a shoulder to weep upon, or shoulders broad enough to help your loved bear their burden. The ones left behind are the ones who suffer in the end, they are the ones who bear a burden there is no solution for because the end has already came, and the out come is final.

For something I feel so strongly about I thought the words would flow from my finger tips, but they just aren’t… Maybe it’s because it’s so final, we all came into this earth the same way by birth and will all leave by death. Life is precious, the good times and the bad.

I believe we are given bad times so we can have a true appreciation for the good times.