So in my last post I mentioned some ups and downs… I feel my Baby Boy deserves and entire post dedicated to him. On October 3rd, we lost our first born… He was 13 years old. He wasn't a human baby, but he was our baby. When we got him, he was too young to be taken from his biological mama, but the person was eager to get rid of him…he was the runt of the litter. I was 18–I knew nothing about puppies, or babies…But I took him, and my husband and I bottle fed him, and helped him grow into a handsome, strong and healthy little boy. He stole my heart, he was a great listener, a great cuddle buddy, and he was one of my best friends. Recently he had been declining in health and I knew our days together were numbered. My husband had warned me that he hadn't been acting himself, and he thought the time was near. On the day he passed, I came home from work and cuddled up with him, he hadn't moved all day, I knew in my heart this was our last day together–he'd cry to get up and he couldn't make it outside to relieve himself. Between the sheet changes (he had his own bed–picture a crib mattress with cute sheets), and the tears I was able to be with my baby in his last hours, he died in my arms. I lost part of my heart on October 3rd– with his passing, I miss him terribly, I try not to dwell on the fact that his isn't here. He is heaven running around, I just know it. He was such a loving boy. What I wouldn't give to clean up one of messes, or be nudged in the middle of the night to let him out. Unbeknownst to me (according to my husband) he used to come check on me in the middle of the night (not just when he had to go to the potty). They say with time it gets easier, I think that's partially true–the cuts not as deep, but in a way I think it gets more difficult, because the longing to see him gets greater.
To my baby:
I wasn't ready to see you run to heavens gate.
But God, he just couldn't wait.
I know he had a job in heaven for you to do.
And you, you were just waiting for your cue.
I cherish every moment we shared, there were lots of good times and for that I am glad.
The passing of you has left me so sad.
I will love you forever, and in my heart you will stay.
I will see you again one day!
Until we meet again my sweet baby boy ❤️
There's been so much going on in my life…It's been and up and down roller coaster… God has been doing amazing things in my life– or I should saying putting me in amazing places, I just have to be still and let him place me where he wants me! Sometimes you just have to take your hands off the wheel and ask Jesus to take over. Believe it or not, I thought I could guide myself through this crazy thing called life– about a month ago it dawned on me that the motions I've been going thru weren't getting me where I wanted to be. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over with no results– and I'm very results driven so I need to see results to feel a sense of contentment. I remember laying in bed practically in tears asking God to fix the way I've felt, ever since then things have been changing and for the better… Unfortunately at this point I can only share a small portion of the excitement with you–but I promise when my blessings come I will let you know!!! I am claiming God's blessings, this is going to my year– I feel it, I think I was just looking in the wrong direction all along. My husband and I started a business in July and we had our first big sale last month which was absolutely amazing– someone reached out to us, we didn't pursue them!!!! In case you are wondering what kind of business we started, its a promotional marketing company, we specialize in helping companies get the attention they deserve with the use of promotional marketing items! You can check out our website at : http://www.jrayspromotions.com, our website does not show even 1/4 of what we have to offer, we have over 8000 items available and we deal with over 260 companies to find the best price and highest quality for our clients! I am not trying to sell anything to any of my readers or followers– just want to share a little about one of my new passions.
Any way the title is "Old Soul"…. I had to catch you all up on what this old soul has been up to. But more on why I feel like an old soul, for years I've known I was an old soul, but some days its more prevalent than others. Today is one of those days, as I sat here tonight and drank a whole pot of coffee listening to old classic rock songs, I realized I am really not the typical 31 year old. I am cautious sometimes to a fault, I watch what I do as to not injure myself, I like to make home cooked meals, I don't like the bar, I like to go to church, I like to have my towels neatly folded, I don't like to live out of a basket, I like our lawn nicely manicured, I almost always opt for French tips when I get my nails done, I get my hair highlighted to cover up the gray, I don't really blast my music anymore, and most recently I've taken a liking to BINGO.
I have a lot of my mind, so I plan one writing again very soon– it might even directly follow this post… (which actually in an effort to be transparent I started a few weeks ago, so I had to tweak it just a bit).