Blessed by His Mercy

So as I sit here and write, I don’t really know yet what I am going to title this post… Lucky, loved, blessed, Life is a gift, I made it, hmmm I really don’t know.

Again it’s been about a month since I’ve wrote… I need to get better at this stuff.  So everyone who reads this (except my mama) has no idea what the lady behind the screen looks like… While I am okay with that, what you might not know is that I am over weight (maybe I’ve written about it before, I don’t really recall). I guess I came to a point with my weight that I started to accept what I had become, what I made myself.  I have achieved most of what I have wanted in most facets of my life, there are a few things I’ve still been unable to conquer (my weight a huge one)…I’ve made excuse after excuse, my husband has accepted my body for what it is, and recently although I don’t really like what looks back at me when I look in the mirror I’ve learned to accept what I see.  Well my body had other plans, earlier this week my blood pressure went up (my mom checked hers, prompting me to check mine) so when I didn’t feel right yesterday I went to the doctors immediately.  My blood pressure was 190/132–they gave me medicine right at the doctors office, had me lay back and gave me more– if it went up when I got home I was instructed to go right to the ER.  While no one told me yesterday, I knew I was a stroke risk… Great news tonight it’s down, 149/98– it’s still high it won’t come down over night, but I have no choice but to change my life.  I will not become a statistic, I will not allow my family to see me go this way, I will not let my husband become a widow, I will not be who I was yesterday, I can change, and I will.  

I got an EKG today, I am really lucky, my ticker is working like it is supposed to, I haven’t damaged it with my unhealthy habits.  Lucky for me I don’t smoke or drink.  I was dealt a raw genetic deal, I have PCOS…but guess what I am not the first nor will I be the last, and guess what there are fit women with PCOS, I will no longer use that as a crutch.  I eat poorly, there I said it.  My addiction, coffee (but not just a little coffee) like 2 or 3 huge cups a day, preferably from Dunkin’ Donuts, flavored, with cream, and sugar…Today I got (gasp) a small coffee, skim milk, and Splenda.  That’s the first bit of caffiene I’ve had since Tuesday.  I have a stressful job (I am a banker), but guess what that stress is going to have to stay at the office– I can only focus on what I can change, I can’t focus on what I can’t.  I’m going to learn how to relax, because I really don’t know how–honestly I shouldn’t be overweight because I never sit still unless I am sleeping.  I’m going to learn to enjoy life’s finer things, the small important things that at the end of my life will be the big things, like taking a walk with my loved ones, being well read, smelling the flowers, watching my husband shoot an amazingly awesome game of pool (he’s going to score us a trip to Vegas, I just know it),  I am going to bask in puppy kisses, and I am going to hold my loved ones a few seconds longer.  So here’s to my journey, here’s to a new me (well the same me, just an improved version).  

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” Philippians 4:13

I will be writing more about my journey to health, my faith, and family.  As always thanks for reading my inner thoughts.   (In the middle of writing this sentence my husband got an orange out of the fridge and said let’s share an orange–that’s what I am talking about, and wow that was the most delicious orange I’ve ever eaten…)

Much Love xoxo,

Jackie

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